GOBLIN CLAN Being a goblin is AWESOME! But it also SUCKS! Between the dragons acting like they own the place, the elves hunting us for sport, and having to fight over food with all the beasts and other monsters, it's a rough world us for little green rascals. In fact, it's so tough that after an elf attack that got interrupted by a dragon attack, you're the only survivor of your clan. Great job! But also yikes! Goblins don't do so well on their own. Fortunately, a spirit of balance has offered you a gift: A new clan spawned out of thin air, with extra special powers to help them survive and prosper in this cruel world! And they'll actually appreciate your genius and make you the leader, unlike your old clan. The jerks. Hope they're all overcooked dragon food by now. Now go create some new friends! PERKS Unfortunately, the spirit of balance refuses to make your clan into omnipotent gods like you deserve, and only allows you 4 wishes to empower your clan. You'll also receive the benefits from the wishes, but you're already amazing, so it won't make much difference. The wishes will be passed on to your clan's offspring as well; any special powers will be passed down genetically, and any knowledge and skills will be taught. Foraging: Knowing how and where to get food is a crucial goblin skill, but your new clan won't know a rabbit from a hare. A wish will fix that, giving them all the skill, knowledge, and even tools needed to be hearty hunters and great gatherers! You'll benefit from the wish too. Not that you need it. Obviously. Combat: From the day they're born, every goblin is a master at the combat strategy of "scream and smack", but with enemies that play dirty with "weapons" and "claws" and "coordinated assaults", goblins must learn other tactics. A wish will teach your clan battle tactics, hone their combat instincts, pump up their muscles, and arm them with clubs, swords, and axes. Instant Town: While goblins are adapted to living in the wild, a decent shelter can be a big help, but your old clan's housing has all been reduced to ash. A wish will give you a bunch of fancy buildings! Plenty to house your whole clan, with some left over for stuff like storage, kitchens, and whatever else you might need built. Welcome to Goblin Town! Crafting: Elves get so excessive, with their forging and weaving and bleh. Goblin craftwork is all you really need. While goblins are naturally curious tinkerers, a wish will stoke the flames of ingenuity and genius in you and your clan, inspiring you to create all manner of tools and traps and brew up various concoctions and medicines! Beast Taming: There's all these scary beasts out there in the wild, why not get them on your side? A wish will give your clan the ability to speak with beasts, helping you to recruit them into your clan. Elves on horses? They'll soil their fancy underwear when they see goblins on wolves! Or eagles! Or giant spiders! Spirituality: Most folk are too stuck up to hear the voices of the spirits, and most monsters and animals aren't able to talk back. Goblins are in a nifty sweet spot, which is how you're chatting up the spirit of balance in the first place. Well, the spirit decided to approach you, starting a conversation with a spirit is actually really hard. But a wish will make communing with the spirits easy-peasy! Spirits can help you predict the future, heal injuries and ailments, and curse your enemies! Sorcery: Magic is an elven practice, but damnit it's so cool! Shoot bolts of arcane energy! Wield the elements as a weapon! And with a wish, you won't need to go to elf school to do it! Elemental Affinity: Elements have always been against goblins; elf magic, dragon breath, it's time for us to get in on the action! With a wish, you and your clan will be imbued with elemental power! Shape the earth with a stomp, encase yourself in ice armor, shoot lightning from your fingertips, ride the wind like a bird, the possibilities are limitless! Except for the limit: You have to either pick one element for the entire clan to have, or have all your goblins be born with random elements (except you, you get to pick yours. because you're the boss.). Diplomacy: Maybe there's a way to get rid of enemies without needing to risk your life destroying them. Maybe it's time to make peace. Not with the elves or dragons, god no! I meant with the other monsters of the wilds! Ogers, slimes, fae, they can all be talked to, but having the patience and persuasion to get them to agree to an alliance? That'll probably take a wish. But who knows what you'll be able to accomplish together? Thievery: Elves and dragons have some really nice stuff. But unfortunately, they're pretty good at guarding it. A wish to make your clan quick, quiet, and sneaky will open up some exclusive foraging opportunities. Festival: Burning emotion is what fuels goblins' enthusiasm and strength, which makes keeping up morale essential for a clan leader. A wish will give you a magic box that, despite its size, produces enough Things and Stuff to throw a new festival every week! What's the point of living a long, safe life if you can't throw a party to celebrate your survival? Cartoonishly Durable: With how small goblins are and how much danger we throw ourselves into, it's a miracle we survive at all. A wish can tip the odds more in your clan's favor; no matter how many times they get bludgeoned, incinerated, or chopped to pieces, they'll sooner or later be just fine. This doesn't make you invincible, though; those elves always find a way, and even surviving a fight doesn't mean much if you're too pancaked to stop them from stealing your stuff. Also may result in an abnormal number of falling anvils; those elven smiths must be testing goblin-seeking projectiles. Mutation: Goblins are already adaptable, but a little extra adaptation never hurts! With a wish, you and your clan can get a new trait; prehensile tails to swing from tree branches, gills and fins to swim through wetland waters, wings to soar over open fields, some bullshit fantasy organ to swim through desert sands somehow! Endless possibilities! And if you can't decide, you can keep wishing for more mutaions to turn your clan into freakish chimeras! Goblin Soup: While modern-day goblins reproduce just like any mammal, a wish will let you return to the traditional method: The Big Goblin Soup Pot. It's a thing some ancient wizards did to try to make familiars or something, the details are lost to time. What's important is that this will help you make more goblins much faster! The magic soup pot will always be full of goblin broth, plus you can throw in whatever random mushrooms you find or animals you catch to spice up the upcoming batch of goblins with unique qualities! The results are unpredictable and hard to replicate, but hey, that's goblins for ya! Iron Stomach: Goblins LOVE eating things. Who doesn't? But the world is cruel, and puts such gorgeous mushrooms, berries, and rocks right there, and then punishes us for eating them. No more! While goblins have naturally resilient stomachs, a wish will make your clan the natural predator of EVERYTHING! Tree branches, shiny crystals, and dirt might not be as delicious or nutritious, but they'll be good enough to survive on. DRAWBACKS The spirit can offer you more wishes, but "all must remain in balance" blah blah blah you know how it is. Drawbacks will be passed down genetically just like wishes, but they won't affect you unless specified. Cowardice: Goblins don't have a word for fear, but if you're willing to add it to the clan's dictionary, you can make an extra wish. Even with weapons, magic, and superpowers, it's a scary world out there for beings as small as goblins... Heartlessness: While selfishness is a crucial trait for a competent goblin, so is unwavering loyalty to our fellow gobbos. If you're willing to give up this trait in your new clan, you can make an extra wish, but goblins that won't work together will certainly need that wish to survive... Walking Snacks: Okay the spirit is just being mean with this one! It'll offer you an extra wish, but in return, it will make your clan extremely appetizing to... everything. Beasts, monsters, dragons, even elves will want a taste! As if we weren't hunted enough. Beasts and monsters that ignored you before will be after you now, and elves and dragons have even more reason to hunt you. Even YOU'LL be made delicious! Be prepared to deal with lots of enemies... THE GREAT PLAN After seeing how even an old and well-established clan can be destroyed in a single day, you know that you need a plan to survive. Something to make sure your new clan doesn't meet that same fate. Most Great Plans require some sort of perk, but this perk doesn't need to be from a wish; if a plan requires combat skill, then a wish will give you a head start, but you could just train your clan in combat the old fashioned way. Fight Back! (requires Combat or Sorcery): This! Means! War! Gather an army, collect weaponry, and hunt those elves! Slay those dragons! We won't be kicked around any longer! Some of us may die, ALL of us may die, but we'll take as many of them down with us as we can! We won't stop until we've run them all out of town! WE'RE the strong ones now! Monster Alliance (requires Diplomacy): Goblins aren't the only monsters that elves like to hunt, nor are we the only victims of the dragons' tyranny. All the monsters of the wilds have suffered, but together, we can be strong enough that no one can mess with us anymore. Koboldship (requires Thievery): If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Dragons are always looking for ways to expand their hoard, so why not go with the choice that many goblins before you have made: Becoming kobolds. Steal enough treasure from the elves to present an offer to a local dragon, and we can establish a nice relationship; we collect more treasure, and the dragon gives us food and protection. Rascals-for-Hire (requires Thievery): If there's one thing that elves hate more than goblins, it's other elves. They're always looking for methods to get back at each other, and we can be that method. Make a few deals with spiteful elven nobles, and soon enough word will spread that goblins can be quite helpful if an elf wants to avoid getting their hands dirty. That should be enough to get them to stop hunting us. Mad Science (requires Crafting): Maybe elven inventions aren't too excessive. Maybe they don't go far enough! Screw harmony with nature, once we figure out metal and steam engines and coal and Stuff, we'll move up from simple crafts to crazy contraptions! Weapons! Vehicles! They may explode, but that just makes them another thing to throw at elves! We'll make our own big civilization, and it'll be so dangerous that no one wants to come near us! Branch Out (Goblin Soup recommended but not required): No matter how strong you are, you're never invincible. A clan can always be wiped out. That's why you can't be one clan; as soon as your population is big enough, you'll split off into multiple clans; even if one goes down in a blaze of glory, there will always be more goblins. If it sucks, hit da bricks! (requires Foraging): You've lived here all your life, but now that you're given a clean slate... why stick around? Surely there's a better place out there for goblins, and your clan can find it. Pack up food to prepare for the journey, or just get out immediately and find food along the way. Goblins are adaptable like that. Maybe you'll find some place better, or maybe it'll just be fun to live on an endless adventure! Fuck it we ball! (Festival recommended but not required): Plan? What kind of goblin makes a PLAN!? Goblins don't plan, goblins don't play it safe! We LIVE! With every ounce of passion our little bodies can hold! You're not gonna change for anyone! You're gonna live your goblin life, and if you die, then you die with a life well lived!